Song of the day: Gone til November - Wyclef Jean

"Every time I make a run, girl, you turn around and cry
I ask myself why, oh why" - Wyclef Jean

On the way to work this afternoon, a gaggle of geese decide to cross the main road, on foot during the 5:00pm rush hour. What do you do when this happens? You wait. That's what you do. You watch them and you smile. You catch your breath and enjoy them, while watching the crazy, frustrated other drivers pull out their hair. The show was soon over, and I got to work on time and happy.

"See, you must understand, I can't work a 9 to 5, so I'll be gone til November"

I am there. I am where I should be on this day, (in body), but not sure where I am (in spirit). As I ponder these things, the work just keeps on coming. I alternate glances at the computer screen, with an occasional look around the room at the blank faces surrounding me. Just about everyone has their earphones in, and are zoned out with either music or books on tape. There is no talking; just the soft clickety, clackety, tippity, tappity sound of keyboards along with a few, undertoned, indistinct voices of singers, readers and music escaping from plugged in earphones. This is business, and we all want "out" as soon as possible. This suits me just fine. Idle chatter can wait. I have John Travolta's song "Let Her In", blasting in my ears. (For you youngsters... you didn't realize he had a hit song at one time, did you? If you haven't already guessed it, let me just say, that I have eclectic tastes in music)

"Lifestyles of the rich and famous...
Some die with a name, some die nameless"

The supervisor also takes a glance, assesses her tired crew, then grabs a tray of candy. "A motivator", she says...as she cheerfully bounces around the room offering everyone their choice of goodies. As you may recall, I chose a dum-dum lollipop/sucker the last time around when she did this. Not this time. No sirree, Bob! I look in the tray, and mixed in with the dum-dums, I see a roll of candies marked, "smarties". Now, Ha! that's the candy I will choose this time. Heck! I'll take three of 'em! I only hope that it will make a difference to my psyche.

"Said I'll be gone til November, I'll be gone til November
Yo, tell my girl, yo, I'll be gone til November"

It is now becoming very late; and soon everything starts to wind down. There's nothing better I'd like, than to be on the road in the dark on Halloween, after midnight...not. When I log off of my station, the time is 11:57pm. It is still October..for three minutes more.

"I'll be gone til November, I'll be gone til November"

I gather my things to leave, walk to my car and then make a few calls. One to my husband, asking him to look out for me; and one to my sister. He says that she had been "worried sick" about me being on the road at this time of night. I told them that I would be fine; as there is very little traffic on the road. However, the few cars that made their appearance, just happened to be those that one would usually worry about...even during daylight hours. In any case, I got home without incident..., but it was after midnight. As I pull up into my driveway, I look down into my lap, at my lighted cellphone. I see the date, as well as the time; and realize that it is now a new month. I was indeed "gone 'til November." This girl is home.

"And give a kiss to my mother"



(Love the string instruments in this music, as well as Bob Dylan's appearance in this video. Bobby McFerrin makes a brief cameo also)

Song of the day: Stumblin' In - Suzi Quatro and Chris Norman

"Our love is alive and so we begin
Foolishly layin' our hearts on the table,
Stumblin' in" - Suzi Quatro and Chris Norman

This morning was "all out of whack". We haven't gotten our routine together yet. However, I know one thing: It needs to come together before Monday. My husband looks at me and says that I look pretty. He said this to me last week also, but I pretty much brushed it off. I blame it on the renewed endorphins that have kicked in for him since he has been out of work for almost a month. He starts his new assignment on Monday. Time for him to go back...He's beginning to "see things." All of the trees around us have taken on beautiful Autumn colors. Almost all of them. The two ornamental pear trees we have on our front lawn are still as green as if still on a Summer's day. Actually, they look really strange...lush and green...surrounded by trees of yellow, orange and red. My husband says it is symbolic. Also symbolic is the fact that he picked up a brand new yellow pencil while on his morning walk. He says to himself that it is all about new beginnings. I tend to agree with him.

"Now and then fire light will catch us
Stumblin' in."

On the way to school this morning, "The Boy" says to me, "Mom, keep driving...I hate school." But says it in such a happy way, that the grin on his face doesn't match the words coming out of his mouth. I pay him no attention, and continue on to school. For no apparent reason, I start to remember that yesterday in the car on the way to school, he, just off "the top of his head" announced that my unmarried sister needed a husband. (He is sitting in the back seat.) I ask, him "Why, pray tell me, dear Sir do you think so ?" He then says to me: "All women need a husband." (Insert long pause and a prayer here) I begin to wonder where all of this bravado is coming from. Maybe there was something in the bottle of Men's aftershave my husband had spritzed him with, following his shower this morning. The smell is strong in the enclosed automobile. Actually, I'm starting to feel a little dizzy myself. After I get back home, I read the ingredients on the bottle: Cool Spring, daily refresher...a light, refreshing scent for body and face. (Perhaps, a little too refreshing? And perhaps, maybe a little too much was applied to the face; especially around the lip area.)

"Wherever you go, Whatever you do
You know these reckless thoughts
Of mine are followin' you"

I look back at him from my rear view mirror in silence... He looks up at me...grinning. He knows how I feel about such matters, and so I believe that, just for the sake of conversation, I have just been baited. He doesn't realize it, but this fish has been around for a long time. I don't fall for it. This boy is smart and loves a good debate. Only his age, innocence and United States Federal Law, prevent me from ejecting his butt from his seat. He and I will need to talk later. I will not tell his aunt about what he said. This will prevent him from having his weekly candy supply from her cut off, as well the added bonus of having his life preserved for at least until the end of the week.

"I've fallen for you, whatever you do
'cause baby you've shown me so many things
That I never knew"

Later, my husband and I run a few errands together. We get his passport and take it to work to verify his identity and to finalize his job assignment arrangements. I remain in the car until he returns. We swing by the mortgage company and try to negotiate a better rate. We got some information that we need, but not everything. However, we will be fine. The nice lady who helped us says something offhandedly, in a joke about buying ten houses, etc. My husband and I just look at each other. This is a specific "inside" joke for my husband and myself. She did not realize what she had said. The co-incidence was uncanny and chills go up my spine. The details of this incident, my friends, will definitely go into my "unplugged" personal blog. Later, we stop by to fill up the gas tank. The prices have dropped considerably and the activity at the filling station was brisk and crazy. Then, there was a quick trip to Wal-Mart. Before we knew it, it was time to pick up "The Boy" from school. We pick him up, and then swing by to see the house that my brother has a contract on. The "For Sale" sign on the front lawn had been changed to "contract pending". As my husband remains in the car, (he has already seen the house inside, as he went in with my brother during the inspection) "The Boy" and I get out, and peek into the windows. The house is precious, and just the right size for my brother and his wife. We wish them well.

"Whatever it takes,
Baby, I'll do it for you"

Later, it is time for me to go to work. I plug away until break time. After break, I get sleepy. The lady in front of me, and to my right had gone out and bought a lottery ticket during break. She is sleepy too. Forget Halloween...The zombies are all here tonight. Rows upon rows of tired people. She looks at me, and silently, but wildly, waves the ticket in front of me as she smiles...as if to say: "I sure hope this is my ticket to freedom". Because of this telepathic message, I just about become incontinent and collapse in silent laughter. This chuckle gives me the extra "oomph" I need to remain awake. "M", I thank you.

On the way home, I see my faithful "Have Hope" sign by the side of the road. (click on picture above) The marquee changes from the daily message to "Have Hope" at night. There are those who would tell me, that because I don't belong to the particular church it is in front of; maybe I shouldn't pay attention to it. I would humbly submit to these people, the fact that when I drive home alone, and in the darkness, mind you...along with a prayer and a phone call to my husband, this sign is the one that leads me home, and helps to bolster my feelings of hope. I see the red glow for at least a half mile before I can actually read the words, and because I already know what it says before I get there, I start to "Have Hope" long before the red blurry words come into blazingly sharp focus. My hope is renewed as I read this sign night after night...and smile. Everyone has to find theirs.

"Our love is alive and so we begin
Foolishly layin' our hearts on the table"

I will not be denied. Hope is non-denominational. While it belongs to us all, it is different for each individual. And just as it says on a package of Cheezits ..."get your own box" This one is mine.

"Stumblin' in"





Note to self: Missing yesterday's post. Will post tomorrow.

Song of the day: You Only Live Twice - Nancy Sinatra

"You Only Live Twice or so it seems,
One life for yourself and one for your dreams" - Leslie Bricusse

Last night was really tough for me. I got off from work after 11:00pm. While there, I could barely keep my eyes open. The drive home was a bit treacherous, as there was a fine mist of rain. Not enough to keep the wipers going, but just enough to cause a bit of strain to already fatigued eyes. Add to that, the threat of the occasional stray deer on the road, and you have the recipe for possible disaster. I managed to get home safely, stumble into the house, kiss "The Boy" and husband; then go to bed.

Now, getting out of bed this morning was a horrible experience for me. My husband had to awaken me. Sluggishness and joint pain had taken over my body. I needed lots of coffee (but I think I need exercise even more). I somehow managed to get "The Boy" ready for school. We skipped the shower this morning, figuring that a little dirt won't hurt him every now and then...and off to school we went. When I came back home, my husband and I worked online to select our medical benefits from my new place of employment. After all, this is the main reason why I am there. We had problems doing so earlier, and had to call the 1-800 number. We finally think we have it straightened out, and should receive confirmation within two days.

The rest of the day went pretty quickly. I went to work, did my time and again, we were let out early. (Something tells me that one day...soon, we are going to pay for this). When I came home tonight, "The Boy" was up and eating ice cream, while my husband was watching "The Incredible Hulk" movie. The volume was at the maximum setting, and they were having a ball! They were both glad to see me, but shocked that I got home so early.

"You drift through the years and life seems tame,
Till one dream appears and love is its name"

Soon "The Boy" was ready to go to bed. He asked if I could sing to him. I told him I would. I used to always sing to him. The song choice was usually either "Not While I'm Around" or "Wheels of a Dream". These would be consistently sung to him on a nightly basis, (and a lot of time during the day when he was small.) He would gaze into my eyes, as I sang, and remain mesmerized...until I finished. I was never self-conscious, and was always a "hit", as I sang to my audience of one (and sometimes secretly, two) He remembers both of the songs well, as does his Dad. For the past few years, the songs had been replaced with the reading of stories. What happened next surprised me:

As I lay in bed beside him, amid the warm, soft glow of his bedroom nightlight, I began to sing "Not While I'm Around". I noticed that soon he started rapidly batting his eyes. Shortly thereafter, they started glistening. Before long, tears started to roll down his cheeks. He made not a sound, but could hold them in no longer. I felt a lump forming in my throat. As it grew tighter, and just before I could no longer speak, I asked him what was the matter. He simply said that he was just happy to hear me sing to him again. This got me all teary eyed, and after I finished stumbling through the rest of the song, I got myself back together, and then decided to sing another tune; this time one that was more or less on the silly side. I sang "Number Nine Cutie", (he is nine years old) and that got him laughing. I'm very good at making productions out of these types of things. Afterwards, we talked for a few more minutes, and then it was time for goodnight hugs and kisses. You know how every now and then, there are times and/or events that will always stand out in your mind? This is one of them. The memory of this night will remain with me for a very long time, if not forever. I am happy that I captured it.

"And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on,
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone"

Shortly thereafter, my sister called and asked about my evening. She reminded me that dinner is to be at my house on Sunday, and that I am to provide: Rice, Iced Tea, Ice Cream, and lemons. The fact that I am recording this, is no accident. I will be able to look back on this blog entry later on in the week, and recall what I need to have on hand. (Beats having to write a list.) She and Mom will bring the rest. Mom's memory is failing, and my sister told me that Mom couldn't remember at whose house the dinner will be. I am to call to remind her tomorrow that we are hosting it at my house this time. I also need to call my brother. However, now it is time for me to go to bed. I still have lots to do, but it will all just have to wait until tomorrow... and you know, I'm ok with it. I really am. Goodnight and pleasant dreams.

To my son and husband, please remember:

"This dream is for you, so pay the price.
Make one dream come true, you only live twice"

Song of the day: Let Me Go Love -Michael McDonald/Nicolette Larson

"You got that look in your eyes
Something deep inside, And time will show
What you don't want to know" - Michael McDonald/Nicolette Larson

This morning, I take the "The Boy" to school and the same woman who had a dog running around on the loose the other week is there. I had wondered about its fate. Seems he still is running around, trying to prove that "All Dogs" don't go to heaven, and she still is patting her head while calling out its name. We have a saying around these parts: Ain't nuthin' but the Devil! I just want to "reach out and touch her" (if you know what I mean), but because of my unusually strong grip, and for legal reasons, I am prevented from doing so.

In the meantime, I have sternly instructed "The Boy" not to speak to the dog, or in any way, interact with it. This just about "kills" him; as he loves animals and people. However, this is neither the time, or the place. This is business, and my mood is teetering between normal and somber. For the time being, somber is winning, and Today exists only as a bridge to get me over to the land of Tomorrow. "The Boy" heads off to school and I head back home.

"It's haunting you
Guess it's time to sit down with the truth"

Last week, my husband was called regarding a job opening at his former place of employment. We talked it over. The job offer, includes a lengthy amount of travel, and is not practical for our family. Because he is no coward, and is a face-to-face kind of guy, he refuses to send in an emailed response; and so, when I get home, I find him showered and dressed; ready to go back to see if he can negotiate a more "family friendly" deal. Through adversity, our family is getting stronger, and we do not need to be vacuumed into the strong vortex of a different kind of stress...travel; part and parcel of the "new and improved" "Hell." We appreciate the offer, but the "Hell" we have now, Hell_1008.v2, (we upgraded from Hell_1008.v1 this past summer) is quite "hot" enough, and is a far more superior product than the proposed Hell_11008.v1. The current one suits us quite fine, thank you.

"And tho' it comes as no surprise
Some things are not better left unsaid
Let them out instead"

After he leaves, I think about my discarded nickname again, and decide that I need a more formal way of letting it go. And so, I write the name on a sheet of paper, crumble it up, set it afire, put it in a metal bowl and watch it burn. I take the ashes, walk out to my rear deck, while facing the morning sun and scatter them to the wind. I say to God and to the Universe, "I give it back to you". With this action, I am officially done with the name. I make note of the time and date: It is 10:28am on Monday, October 27. This is not a religious rite, nor is it any kind of pagan incantation. This is spiritual. The somber feeling has left me, and for one of the very few times in my life, I feel the "incredible lightness of being" and realize that the feeling does exist and is not just a deep incomprehensible phrase, composed of cleverly arranged words. I pray to God to wipe away my tendency to immediately use the nickname as a reflexive answer to the query, "What's your name?" Compared to the Ten Plagues and the parting of the Red Sea, this should be a "piece of cake" to Him, ...an easy fix. No worries. He always comes through for me.

"Oh and it was here
This place that we hide away in"

Later, my husband calls me. They have offered him another job (temporary) that will not require travel. We are still in discussions as to whether he should take it or not. The answer more than likely will be, "Yes", but we are trying to weigh our options and go about making this decision intelligently, taking all factors into consideration.

"If it's gone now
It's best that a new place begin"

This journey has many twists and turns, but we are not walking alone.

"Is it ever what it seems to be?
Oh and if it's over, Let me go, love... Let me go, love..."

Song of the day: All For Love - Bryan Adams

"Let's make it all for one and all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want, the one you need..." - Bryan Adams

This morning, we got up early and went to Services. We arrived late and ended up sitting in the rear, to the right of the auditorium. (Works fine for me.) After we sit down, I get back up again to make a quick trip to the ladies' room. I continue to hear the sermon via the speakers located inside. Without the distraction of a visual, it is easy to concentrate on the words being said. As the minister entertained, queueing up his verbal laugh track while at the same time hitting the "play" button, the congregation, as if on cue, chuckled at all of the right times. I, on the other hand continued to listen for words of substance...and heard very little. Still in the ladies' room, I finish my business, wash my hands and then sashay back to my seat...smiling. My sister arrives shortly thereafter...and crosses past the knees of: my husband (who is in the end seat), "The Boy" (her precious nephew sitting next to him...she rubs his semi-bald head as she continues to make her way through), and me (she slaps my knee while squeezing by, and tells the family friend sitting next to me to "slide over".) She then plops her butt in the seat next to mine. We all quietly snicker.

"'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know"

Eventually, the minister finishes his diatribe...leaving me with the feeling of wanting to stand up and shout, "But the Emperor has on no clothes!" Time passes quickly after this. Afterwards, there was talk of honoring our older people and how each of us should do our part. I mentally tuned back in, and found myself really in to this particular line of thinking. At last! Words of substance! Following this, I make a silent vow to try to do whatever I can, in whatever way possible to honor and respect the elderly. Yes, now this was information I could use.

"We got everything and more than we had planned,
More than the rivers that run the land"

We came home, got dressed and took our final trip to the theme park for the season. "The Boy" wanted to see a specific show and my husband needed to exchange season tickets for my parents; as they never had the opportunity to use them this year. We walked around, had a nice time and then went to a show that "The Boy" wanted to see. It was semi-audience participation. In our family, we already know what this means, and so we brace ourselves accordingly. Anytime that we are in an audience participation situation, he is always amongst the ones chosen to interact with the costumed characters. Happened at Disney World. Happens everywhere. The same was true with my brother when he was small. In fact, it got so bad, that whenever we went to these types of things, my brother used to hide, and told my parents that he didn't want to be chosen. But not "The Boy"...he danced, sang and did everything possible to be a part of the show, as we stood back wondering what he would do next. However, it was all in good fun and we had a nice day.

"Then just let your feelings show
And make it all for one and all for love"

On the way out, we stopped by a candy store located within the park. The inventory was marked down 75%, and we bought a pound of chocolate pecan clusters, as well as a small bag of candy corn for "The Boy". While standing in line to pay, a woman standing in front of me told her small child, while handing her a lollipop, "Here's a sucker, just like your Xxxxx has". "Xxxxx" just happened to be the same former nickname I had, and had recently vowed to give up. Hearing aloud this combination of the words "sucker" and "Xxxxx" did not set well with me, and verified the fact that I am doing the right thing by getting rid of this negative, labeling name. As we continued our walk towards the exit, "ghosties" and "goblins" planted throughout the park would jump out every now and then, but nothing terribly scary. They seemed to have toned it down a bit this year. 'sides, I was singing "You'll Never Walk Alone" out loud as I walked out of the park. To tell the truth: I sing pretty well; but I suspect that I scared them more than they could ever possibly attempt to frighten me. We continue to walk, then get on the tram that will take us to our parked car, ultimately joining the long line of cars exiting the park. It is around 8:00pm and we are leaving a little bit later than we normally do.

"We've got it all in our hands"

We finally get home, I call my parents and invite them to dinner next Sunday. No menu has been planned. I just spontaneously call them. No specific plans have yet been made. The menu and the food will manifest itself. They have happily agreed to come. Thinking back on what I listened to this morning, I remember that honoring the elderly begins with one's own household. This is what we need now. Later, my husband turns on the television and there's a "Friends" episode on. (I never watch "Friends") One of the main characters uses the nickname I had chosen to relinguish; this time as an unfavorable label for someone. Again, I am happy to have made the decision to give the name up. This is verification that I have indeed done the right thing.

"'Cause when it's all for one it's one for all"

It is time to sleep. Tomorrow is a school day for "The Boy" and a workday for me. It all starts anew. This day ended happily. There was joy, and again there is peace.

"Let's make it all, all for one and all for love"

Song of the day: I Got A Name - Jim Croce

"Like the pine trees lining the winding road
Ive got a name, I've got a name" - Jim Croce

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 1 or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Due to a series of fortunate events, we were able to leave early from work again on Friday, and I was able to come home and go to bed at a respectable hour. This morning, I woke up refreshed and ready to take on a few necessary household chores. While cleaning up on this rainy Saturday, more than a few thoughts crossed my mind. (Shows you what inhaling too many cleaning products will do for you). What follows is one of my latest and greatest epiphanies:

"Like the singing bird and the croaking toad
I've got a name, I've got a name"

For my entire working life, I have known by a specific nickname. A catchy, cutesy, non-threatening, two-syllable, melodious nickname. When meeting any fellow co-worker for the first time, I will usually introduce myself, shake hands, use my given name, and then neutralize it by saying: "But... you can call me "Catchy-Cutesy-Non-Threatening-Two-Syllable-Melodious-Nickname" (BTW: The one I am referring to is not "Nards", "Nardee", or "Nardy" as many of you already know).

After my Supervisor called me at home the other night, using my given name; the one on my birth certificate, it suddenly occurred to me that upon first introducing myself at my current place of employment, I did not offer the use of a nickname, but simply introduced myself with only my given name. This was unplanned and totally spontaneous...the first time I have ever done this during my working life. I surprised myself and strangely enough, it felt natural. It is natural.

"And I carry it with me like my daddy did
But I'm living the dream that he kept hid"

Because of this, I have now declared this particular nickname retired; and will refrain from using it in any official or formal business setting, going forward. The name is found in the dictionary, and its very definition implies weakness and cowardice. It is mine no more. I am Xxxxxxxx, daughter of Xxx and Xxxxxx, sister of Xxxxxxxx and Xxxxx, wife of Xxxxx, and mother of Xxxxxxxx. And although the name does not easily roll off of one's tongue, it will be the one I will use from now on. This is to me, a positive change. I like my name, and there will be no more replacement monikers offered as diminished versions of this name, especially chosen and given to me, by my parents.

"Moving me down the highway
Rolling me down the highway"

Yes, I will still be "Nards" or Xxxxxx to friends and family, but the "other" name is now "history" when it comes to any new business introductions. It is a name that I should have let go of... long ago. It is the name that holds me back, and connects me with too much of the past. It is a name I feel the Universe will gladly take back from me; for it was never mine to begin with. And so, it is a bridge that I will gladly burn. This comes as somewhat of an Aha! moment for me....The pieces are slowly, but surely, coming together. I am well on the way to reclaiming myself as the woman I have finally grown up to be. Three cheers and Hallelujah!...for rainy days and the toilet brush!

"Moving ahead so life won't pass me by"

My, what a great,(but rainy) Saturday!

Song of the day: Don't Sleep in the Subway (Darling)- Petula Clark

"You wander around on your own little cloud
when you don't see the why, or the where for" - Petula Clark

Wednesday night I left work around 9:30pm. Not long after I got home, my Supervisor called, because "The System" got "hung up" in my session. She needed to obtain my password, so that she could try to log on as "me" and then log back out as "me". Actually, I had been having problems with "The System" for most of the entire evening, but had been able to work around them myself. Since I am a former Systems Administrator, I notice a lot of things...but remain quiet; lest I be labeled a "know-it-all". The system is fraught with small, irritating, inefficiencies (Since everything is still fairly operational, I hesitate to call them problems) that should be easy fixes, but most of the evening, I feign "dumb" and wonder how many other "dummies" I have working around me.

"You try to be smart, then you take it apart,
'cause it hurts when your ego is deflated"

No matter how tempting it may be, in my current "worker bee" position, unless there is a threat to life or limb, I will continue to just mindlessly plug away. I have no desire to challenge egos or play politics, and since this is not my ultimate destiny, I elect to continue to "play it safe" in this environment. However, because of my tendency to want to help out, I am finding that this is extremely difficult for me to do... much more difficult, than I ever could have imagined. I will fight my urges.

You don't realize that it's all compromise,
and the problems are so overrated"

Thursday..."The Boy" complains about his Dad on the way to school. Mom decides to put an end to it. Mom is tired of hearing it...Moving on...Later on during the day I receive an email from his teacher, detailing information about an upcoming project that "The Boy" is to turn in, sometime in the near future. There is a contract that he is supposed to sign, indicating his intentions, as well as project choice. She has not received it. This makes me mad. It has been in his backpack all along; he just hasn't pulled it out to give it to her. There will be some discussion about responsibility and consequences when he gets home this afternoon.

"You walk out on me when we both disagree,
'cause to reason is not what you care for"

I left to go to work a little later this afternoon, and got stuck behind the five o'clock pm train. Within moments, drivers started acting spastic and crazy... turning around in the street to avoid it; seeking out their own secret shortcuts and/or workarounds. If only they could just see themselves! I remained calm and still, while watching the show; and waited for the train to pass. No need for me to get stressed out. I had time. I did not have to be where I was going until 5:30 p.m. Besides, it gave me a moment to sit and think. This is my new modus operandi. Works for me. The train passed quickly and I got to work long before I needed to, with minutes to spare.

Much later...We have recently been seeing the "Law of Attraction" principles at work...BIG TIME. Something happened this afternoon involving my husband, our van and a "chance" meeting...something that blew both our minds. (To avoid criticism and naysayers, I will log the details in my personal blog.) Also, I got out of the office early again tonight; another unexpected, but welcome, early evening.

"I've heard it all a million times before.
Take off your coat, my love, and close the door"

Oftentimes I find myself feeling saddened, because when I get home these days, "The Boy" is usually asleep and I do not get a chance to speak to him. However, tonight was different. On the way home, I stop by the gas station...I have to. The amber light indicating low fuel keeps glowing back at me. There is absolutely no need to be foolish and drive home in the dark on a near empty tank. I have five dollars on me at the time, and so I pump the entire amount into the tank. That's ok, I will go by the ATM tomorrow for more cash. I then continue home. Guess who was up? You've got it! "The Boy"! Seems his "before bedtime" ritual had been delayed, because my husband had been on the phone talking to my brother for an extra long time. (My brother and his wife are buying a house, and he was excitedly relating the details)

"Don't sleep in the subway, darling.
Don't stand in the pouring rain.
Don't sleep in the subway, darling"

It sure was good to see my child again before he went to sleep! We hugged, we talked, he bathed...and then we all went to bed...happy. Who could ask for more? Actually I can...but won't ask for it tonight! Tonight, I feel much too blessed to do so.

"The night is long. Forget your foolish pride.
Nothing's wrong. Now you're beside me again."

Pleasant dreams!

Song of the day: Same Old Song - The Four Tops

"You're sweet as a honey bee
But like a honey bee stings
You've gone and left my heart in pain" - The Four Tops

They let us out of work early last night (around 10:15pm). A couple of people offer to wait for me. I smile, thank them, and tell them to go on without me. I am more or less a "sociable loner". Although I laugh, joke and function well in a crowd, my preferred tendency is to avoid the herd altogether.

While "teamwork" has been the ongoing Universal Phrase and/or mantra for the last decade or so; my personal truth is this: Outside of my family and friends, I do better alone. My best work has always been accomplished... alone. I am not a pack animal. My outside does not match my insides. This confuses folk, and makes me appear to be somewhat of an enigma (or an anomoly; take your pick).

And so, this being the case, I need a few moments to myself...just to catch my breath. I lag behind a few minutes and casually get my stuff together, at my own pace...and then I leave. I get into my car, and look into the night sky. I see Casseopeia, but unlike last night, there is no Orion to follow me home. Just as I was beginning to think that he "stood me up", I remember that the constellation is not seen until a bit later on into the night. If this is the case, I hope I miss my "date" with him every night. I arrive at home before 11:00pm.

My husband is waiting up for me. He and I catch up with the day's happenings. Some of the stuff is funny...hilarious even. We try to stay positive. We are each other's cheerleader. "The Boy" is upstairs...asleep. From what I understand, he went to bed mad. His Dad tells me "The Boy" told him that "he misses Mommy"...He then asked his Dad, "Do you miss Mommy?" (I ain't gettin' in the middle of this one) His Dad, of course, said, "Yes." He also told me that he and "The Boy" had a little misunderstanding at the store today. According to the story, it seems Dad did not purchase what "The Boy" wanted, and "The Boy" told him "Mom always lets me pick out one thing." He didn't get what he wanted, and so got upset.

"Now it's the same old song
But with a different meaning
Since you been gone"

Which brings us to...this morning...

My husband, "The Boy" and I leave at the same time. My husband goes on his walk and I, to taking "The Boy" to school. This morning, I got an earful in the car while driving him to school! "The Boy" tells me that he "doesn't like being home with Dad" and that "Dad is selfish". Upon further investigation and other assorted questionings, I find that "The Boy" did not live up to a particular obligation, and that he somehow expected to be rewarded anyway. There are other things he said that I promised him would remain between him and me. Ultimately, I side with Dad ("The Sheriff"). "The Boy's" plan to overthrow "The Household Gubbament" has been thwarted. (In true corrupt "Gubbament" style, it can, for a fact, be said that I "sleep with the Sheriff", and as "The Deputy", I wield my own brand of power and influence.) He doesn't know what else to say, and the rest of the drive to school is relatively quiet.

We get to school; I walk with him across the campus. As he pulls his backpack behind him, he turns to me and says: "Are you going to tell Dad what I said?" I tell him, "No." My word is good. The conversation stops here. I drive home and park in the driveway. Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" is playing on the radio. I sit and listen...and wait for the ending...the very brief guitar twang ..."C.D.E.C...G" It is my favorite part. I can get out of the car now. It is sunny. The weather is cool and crisp, and the day is new.

Today, another one of the Presidential candidates is in town. This person will be located downtown, and so traffic will not be a problem for our family today, as we do not have to travel any way in that direction. I will tune in later on for the Evening News recap.

"It's the same old song
But with a different meaning
Since you been gone..."

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Song of the day: I Say A Little Prayer - Dionne Warwick

"The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you" - Dionne Warwick

I do not feel like posting today, but I'm doing it anyway...out of obligation...to myself.... Discipline Nards, discipline...

"While combing my hair now
And wondering what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you"

Monday: On my way to work, a cute little Pomeranian dog walked across a huge and busy intersection during 5 o'clock traffic. Full of confidence, he strutted straight across, almost causing a few accidents, but he made it. Had he been indecisive and kept darting back and forth, he may not have been quite as fortunate. He just took his fuzzy little butt and kept on "keepin' on!" Good for him. (There is a lesson in this for me somewhere).

I said a "not so silent prayer" as I drove to work. After I arrived, I looked up into the sky and saw, not one but three Sun Dogs. The colors were sharp and defined, and the surrounding clouds wispy. I reached for my camera and realized that I had left it at home. Of all days! I called my husband on my cellphone and asked him to look into the sky to see if he saw any. He didn't. The angle probably was not right. These were my Sun Dogs ;-).

"Forever and ever
You'll stay in my heart
And I will love you"

I left work a little before midnight. If I had not mentioned it to you before, you must know that I am an avid skywatcher. The Autumn constellation, Orion, follows me home this time. I see it "smack dab" in front of me for almost the entire drive. Disappearing only for a short while, then reappearing in front of me as I continue home. I look up, and the constellation appears right above my driveway. The moon is large but appears to have been cut perfectly in half. For some reason, I feel that I must document this.

"To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me"

When I get home, "The Boy" is asleep. He took a bath earlier in the day, and from what my husband tells me, there were quite a few complaints. I usually prepare a "bubble bath" for him, but had no idea just how much this impressed him, until tonight. Apparently, he told my husband, "That's not the way Mom does it". Followed by, "You're not doing it right, Mommy sings to me." Let's just say: I'm finished with this report.

"At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break time..."

Tuesday morning: I am so sleepy, that my husband offered to take "The Boy" to school himself. I thank him profusely. We are a team. This is part of what we do. I go back to bed, wake up three hours later, fix something for them to eat, and then head out to work. I'm feeling just the teeniest bit edgy and thinking... There's gotta be a better way.

"I say a little prayer for you"

For: Mar, Zunnur and... for Robin(who asked me to)

Song of the day: Cool Night - Paul Davis

"I sometimes wonder why
All the flowers had to die" - Paul Davis

This past weekend's mountain trip was very nice. The picture was taken after we got back in town. It is one of a tree, in another yard, located at the rear of my sister's house. As we unloaded her luggage from the car, walking back and forth...taking the bags from the trunk into her house, this tree stood out in all its beautiful glory. It has the "reds" that are still missing in the mountain foliage we left behind. This is what we had been looking for. I just had to snap a picture. On the way home, my husband mentioned to me how beautiful the tree was. I told him that I had already taken a picture of it. And so, here it is, We share it with you.

"I dream about you"

Not sure if it is because I took in too much mountain air this past weekend,...but for the time being (and only for the time being), the question of, "Why am I here?" has been temporarily answered. Much, in the same sense as when a young child asks a parent, "Where do babies come from?" and the parent, in an effort to avoid the direct answer, gives the "cabbage patch" explanation. This answer gets the parent "off the hook" and keeps the child at bay for a while...but there will come a day when a more plausible answer will be required. But until that day…

"And now, summer's come and gone
And the nights they seem so long"

Today, I see the answer in the eyes of my child, my husband, my parents, the beautiful face of my sister, and in the entrepreneurial spirit of my brother. Today, I see the answer in the relationships that I have cultivated during my short time here on this earth, and every now and then, if I look hard enough, I see the answer in myself. As part of the composite that changes the word; person to people,I am here as part of the whole...(do I dare say it?)"cabbage patch". Yet, I want more...and this, my dear friends is what perplexes me every day. OK, enough with the rambling soliloquy, Moving on...

"Oh-oh, when the cool night
Brings back memories
Of a good life..."

The temperature when we woke up this morning was a cool 36 degrees (2.2 degrees celcius). Make no mistake about it, Summer is definitely over. I gave "The Boy" a mug of hot cocoa, real hot cocoa; with his breakfast. He was surprised and grateful. I hope this gratitude extends at least until the end of the week, as I will not be making any more until the weekend...too much trouble.

"And you don't have to take a stand
Lay out any plans"

The temperature will be warming up this afternoon, and so in anticipation of this, I dressed him in all weather clothing and a light jacket. He should be fine.

"It's gonna be a cool night
Just let me hold you
By the firelight
If it don't feel right
You can go..."

Hope your Monday is going well...Stay warm.

While we were away...Saturday Night Live played in the background, on the hotel televison. While halfway within the zone of being asleep and awake, I heard this song. It woke me up. Today, this woman's song keeps going through my mind. The tune is haunting and the video unforgettable: "Chasing Pavements" -by Adele

Song of the day: Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Nick Ashford/Valerie Simpson

"There ain't no mountain high enough" - Ashford and Simpson
"Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you"

This morning, we packed up our stuff and headed for the hills! My sister had an affair to attend and invited us to come along. Today was also the day of "The Boy's" school carnival. He begged and begged for me to take him. However, the plan was to leave before late afternoon. There was no time to go. My husband had gone out with a volunteer group to do a bit of Autumn yardwork for a local congregation. While he was away, I packed and got "The Boy" ready. When he returned, he showered and loaded up the car. We then picked up my sister from her house, and then off we went.

"'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you"

The weather is beautiful. The leaves have begun to change in the mountains, with the primary colors being yellow and orange. They are missing a finishing touch... the brilliance of the color red. This would make the display complete. Still, it is wonderful to see the change of seasons. Today, I am happy to be alive.

"I'll be there on the double
As fast as I can"

After we checked into our hotel, my sister's friend came by to pick her up. Shortly thereafter, my husband, son and I went to the grocery store and to a pizza place to grab something to bring back for dinner. We happen to be in a college town, and some of the characters we have seen are quite interesting, to say the least. So interesting, in fact, that we decided to come back to the hotel and not go out anymore tonight. The room is small, with two double beds, and not like the nice suites we had been staying in for the last few times. However, it will do for one night. "The Boy" and my sister will share one bed, while my husband and I have the other. My husband and my sister are snorers, (from what I understand, I am too) and "The Boy" is a kicker. Should be an interesting night...

This is to be a lazy weekend for us, with nothing in particular planned, except to get up tomorrow morning, take in more of the mountain scenery and breathe in more of the mountain air. The temperature has cooled down considerably, and the air is brisk. As you can see by the pictures,(taken by me in a fast moving car, driven by my husband) this is Autumn...almost at its finest. All it needs is a touch of red.

Enjoy!

"Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough..."

Happy Saturday!


Remembering Levi Stubbs of "The Four Tops"
(June 6, 1936 – October 17, 2008) - He will be missed.

Song of the day: The Sweetest Days- Vanessa Williams

"These are the days
The sweetest days we'll know" - Vanessa Williams

Last night, I got off from work at 10:30pm. Officially, this is on time. According to the unspoken rule, this is early. On the drive home, I notice that the "Have Hope" sign has returned to the church marquee. My silent cheerleader is back. We are back on track (smile). I come home, say a few words to my husband, kiss the sleeping Boy, then go to bed and sleep soundly.

This morning, we woke up to a steady, pouring rain. Actually, it was quite nice to see and hear. I am usually the main caretaker of "The Boy" in the mornings. He and I had been used to going about our morning routine in relative quiet. Not so anymore... My husband is home in the mornings with us now, and has become quite the vocal motivator when it comes to getting "The Boy" ready. ("There's a new Sheriff in town", remember?)

"There are times that scare me
We rattle the house like the wind"

Somehow, we managed to leave and arrive at school at a respectable time. However, there was a bit of drama getting out of the car. He was so 'into' reading his Captain Underpants book, (he does this every morning) that he sat in the car longer than he should have. It took quite a bit of poking and prodding to get him out, while a steady rain continued to fall. In the meantime, an older gentleman, (He looked a lot like one of my favorite authors, Robert Fulgham) walking two precious little dogs, wearing doggy raincoats, passed us and witnessed my attempts at trying to cajole this reluctant child out of the car. He smiled and said to me, "Sometimes, it's just like herding cats, isn't it?". I smile back at him and say, "No, not just sometimes... all of the time." We wave, and then I take "The Boy" by the hand, grab his backpack out of the trunk, look both ways and then trudge across the street to school. "The Boy" protests because there is a puddle in the way. He tries to avoid it. In doing so, he fails to pay attention to any oncoming traffic. Seems he'd rather get squished by a car, than splashed by water. This makes absolutely no sense! I see him safely down the walkway, and then go back to the car, have a sip of coffee, and then continue home in the rain.

"Both of us so unbending
We battle the fear within"

After arriving back home, I sit in the driveway for a few minutes...no music, no noise. Just me, the rain, and the mug of coffee. If only for a few minutes, I am in my own private capsule and world. The rain slows down a bit and I take the opportunity to make a run for it to the garage. I am successful, and hardly get wet at all.

"All the while, life is rushing by us
Hold it now and don't let go"

My husband is inside, and urges me to take a nap. Since I have been going to work in the evenings; once I get started doing things around the house, the nap is the first thing to go; when actually I really need one. He and I end up talking and laughing. Not so bad for a rainy day. Not bad at all.

"These are the days
The sweetest days we'll know"

May all of your days be as sweet...Happy Friday everyone!

Song of the day: (Reprise)...If She Knew What She Wants - The Bangles

"Some have a style
That they work hard to refine
So they walk a crooked line" - The Bangles

When I took "The Boy" to school this morning, the school secretary and school counselor both looked wistful, while saying to me that they don't know what they will do when "The Boy" eventually leaves the elementary school he now attends. Although I am not quite sure what started this somewhat emotional moment, I do know this: They are quite fond of him. They like him and he likes them, and I like 'em all! He is quite a character, and has been at this school for five years. I feel saddened when I also realize that a lot of the children that "The Boy" started out with in school, have either moved, or for some other reason, no longer attend.

He has lost quite a few of his schoolmates due to homeschooling, job transfers, as well as other economic reasons. He understands none of this, and only knows that he doesn't see them anymore. It doesn't take a psychic to predict that there will be even more casualties in the near future, and that they will not all be together throughout high school. This is a fact. The relationships are slowly being severed...one child at a time. The dynamic is changing.

There is also a new explosive combination in our family now. "The Boy", his Dad and homework assignments do NOT go together well. Take away any one of these three elements, and things are OK. Put 'em all together and... *Shazam!* you get fireworks! As I listened in while "napping" in my upstairs bedroom, the homework subject of the day dealt with plotting time and the relationship between hours and days. This did not go over well. First off, "The Boy" has no concept of time in real life. So why should he take theory and make it seem any more important? After much pain, on both their parts, the assignment was mercifully and eventually completed.

Mom and Dad sent us an encouraging card in the mail. It had a picture of a cute bunny on the outside and said, "Don't be discouraged, Be Firm, Be Strong, Be a Rock". On the inside, was a picture of the same bunny with the word "Okay?" coming out of his mouth. She quoted Proverbs 28:20, and then added the words in her own handwriting, "Love you three" Mom, Dad, (She had scratched out the word grandparents and replaced it with Papa and Nana). This card places my state of mind somewhere between laughter and tears; but I consciously take charge of my choice of reaction, then choose to smile. I have great parents.

I fix dinner for the guys to eat later on, and then take a quick nap before showering and leaving for work. When I get to the parking lot, I sit for a few minutes, and then give my sister a quick call from my cellphone. She is busy perming her hair, so I tell her that I will call her later. Eventually, I go into the building and take my seat. I had asked to have my seating arrangement changed, as I had previously been placed next to a very sweet, but constantly text messaging, wiggling, chatterbox. As I have said before, people get confused when I am around them; as they believe that I am more outgoing than I really am. I am an introvert, plain and simple. My excuse to move, bordered on the untruth (I said that I had a tendency to get too hot), but was diplomatic enough so as not to offend anyone. Previously when I had been working, I had gotten used to having my own office (with a door) for many years, and now I must try to get out of this "spoiled brat" state of mind. (See above picture of Nards' "new" office)

"But she won't understand
Why anyone would have to try
To walk a line when they could fly"

One of the supervisors hands me a gray envelope. I am the only one who gets one, and there are a lot of curious looks and sideways glances. I open it later on, only to discover that the contents are only for those who are aged 50 plus. Makes perfect sense to me. I'm the only one in the group that qualifies. Around me, there appears to be some who are close to this age, but not quite. This in itself, is quite sobering. I am now the resident Old Fart, still praying and hoping to find my place on this sphere we call earth...or beyond.

"If she knew what she wants
He'd be giving it to her
Giving it to her"

I carry music with me to work, so that I can "zone out." Before leaving home, my husband had asked me what music I want to plug into. He selects the CD's that I ask him for...Matchbox 20's "mad season", Elvis Costello/Burt Bacharch's "Painted from Memory", and a CD I made with nine of my **favorite songs on it. I do not want to get into the habit of repeating songs, but I have to this time. This song is on my favorites CD, and this song is the one with which I first started my blog...

And now, the reprise... "If She Knew What She Wants"



**The 9 songs: Adios-Linda Ronstadt, Black Coffee In Bed-Squeeze, Blame It On the Sun-Ray Charles, If She Knew What She Wants-The Bangles, Remember Me-Diana Ross, Somebody to Love-Queen, The Immigrant-Neil Sedaka, This Time I'll Be Sweeter and Tonight I Give In- both by Angela Bofill

Song of the day: Peace Train - Cat Stevens

"Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good things to come. And I believe it could be, something good has begun" - Cat Stevens

Woke up this morning with every hair on my head sitting perfectly in place. This is highly unusual. I looked so good that I even shocked myself! My guess is that when I "crashed" last night, I was immediately thrown into a semi-comatose like state, with my head remaining planted on the pillow this morning, in the same place where I placed it last night.

I go downstairs and fix "The Boy" a fried egg for breakfast, knowing all the while that I am going to get some flack from him for doing so. He says he doesn't like fried eggs anymore. Sure enough, he comes downstairs "just-a-fussin'". I tell him to get over it. He eats his breakfast, his Dad helps him with his shower, and then we head off to school. I remind him that he left his jacket in the car overnight, and to not run around like a headless chicken trying to look for it.

"Oh, I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be, some day it's going to come"

On the way to school, I notice that the same full moon that led me home last night in the darkness, is still perched in the beautiful blue morning sky. It appears large and very detailed. And although there are a few fluffy clouds around, none of them obstruct the nearly perfect view. It is a wonderful thing to see.

"Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again"

When we get to school, I grab my mug of coffee as I walk him to campus. I see that the counselor assigned as sentry this morning, stands guard with a mug of coffee in her hand, as well. I speak to her as I watch "The Boy" disappear down the walkway and turn into where his classroom is located. Her daughter is getting married the first of November and I ask if she is ready. She hesitates, and then tells me that her daughter already has in mind what she wants, and is not open to any suggestions. She has somehow confused a bride with a daughter. I tell her that that is the nature of brides, and that brides are a different species altogether. She laughs! Her daughter is now possessed by the bride spirit. She will get her back after the wedding.

"Oh peace train sounding louder
Glide on the peace train
Come on now peace train"

On the ride home, Sam Cooke's "Twistin' the Night Away" song plays on the radio. Instead of just merely singing along, as I usually do in the car, I unashamedly do as many of the dance moves as I can (from the waist up) while sitting at the stop light. I don't care who sees me. Life is too short...and so I decide to dance. Sue me. "Lean front...lean back...watusi...now fly..."

"Now come and join the living, its not so far from you
And its getting nearer, soon it will all be true"

I get home and my husband decides to go on a walk to the lake again. I let him go alone this time. He comes back and then asks me what we need from the store. We make a list, and then he leaves. And so, this is where I am now...sitting in the sunroom, barefoot, dressed in a green t-shirt and jeans and feeling at peace. This life is gonna work out.

"Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again"

Peace, y'all...

Song of the day: Don't Look Any Further - Dennis Edwards

"Someone to count on
In a world of change
Here I am, stop where you're standin'" - Dennis Edwards

This morning after I came back from taking "The Boy" to school, I decided to accompany my husband on his walk to the lake. The day was sunny, with just a tinge of a chill...just perfect weather for walking. We talked and then sat down on a bench facing the lake. Every now and then, a fish would jump up and make a splash. I kept looking around, all over the place, but was unable to catch a glimpse of any fish in action. By the time I heard the splash, the fish had already gone under. My husband, on the other hand, saw the fish as they jumped. I was puzzled, but soon understood how he did it. Without frantically looking around, he kept his gaze steady, straight forward, focused and past the lake...and then he waited. Eventually, a fish would jump, and he would catch a glimpse, just at the right time. It was only when I tried this approach, that I got to see a fish. Lesson: Sometimes what we need to see, is right in front of us, if only we would learn to be still...

"Oh girl, don't look any further"

This is also the same walk where my husband discovered that he lost most of the tunes on his iPod...but that is another story...

"Strange, when you think of the chances
That we'd both be in a state of mind
Too cool to be careless
Lookin' for the right thing
Oh baby, don't look any further"

After taking a few pictures, we then came back home. My husband did what he needed to do, I got online for a while, and then went downstairs to prepare spaghetti sauce. This will come in good, later on during the week. Before we knew it, it was time for my husband to go to school to pick up "The Boy". Not long after that, it was time for me to go to work. It is to be a long night...

The work was tedious, and droned on...One of the supervisors was kind enough to come around with a bag of candy; offering each of us a lollipop. Great! Just what I need...a sucker, with the label "dum dum" on it. It would be too easy to make an additional comment on this, and so I will leave well enough alone. I take one, (which by the way was delicious) and continue with my work, until it was time to leave at 12:01. One minute past midnight...an hour sooner than the original estimation of completion. I feel gratitude. Utter and complete gratitude.

"day-o day-o, mombajee ai-o, well
Don't look any further
day-o day-o, mombajee ai-o, well
Don't look any further"

I call my husband to tell him that I am on my way home. As I drive back home, I notice that the message on the neon sign next to the church located halfway through my journey, has been changed. It no longer says "Have Hope", but now says: "Sunday, Pumpkin Sale 3:00-5:00pm", in the same type of red, glowing letters. It is OK. The sign served its purpose when I needed it. I do have hope. There is also the light of a brilliant full moon to guide me through the darkened, and almost empty midnight streets.

"Someone to count on
In a world of changin'
Here I am, stop where you're standin'"

I arrive home safely. The full moon is so bright, that there is no need for any additional lamp light. As I walk up the front steps, a frog slowly moves out of the way. He instinctively seems to know that I mean him no harm. In the meantime, my husband has waited up for me in the family room. "The Boy" is tucked away upstairs tightly in bed, but is not asleep. I find this out when I go in to kiss him. Moonlight filtered from the window blind, illuminates his face, in alternating stripes of light and shadow. His eyes are closed, and he gives me a sideways grin. He knows I am there. I say nothing ("I love you" is already implied), but just kiss him, smile, walk away and then get ready for bed. This day is over.

"day-o day-o, mombajee ai-o,
Don't look any further"

Song of the day: I Shot The Sheriff - Bob Marley

"I shot the sheriff
But I didn't shoot no deputy... Bob Marley"

Tonight will be a holiday for me and I do not have to go into work. (Columbus Day) However, this morning did not start off well; not well at all... and the blame is partially mine. No, I take that back...it was all mine. A few words of explanation: I did not check "The Boy's" school backpack on Wednesday. This is my job and I did not do it. I removed the lunch bag, but did not go through his bags to check for any notes or assignments. He had a two-day school holiday... and so there the backpack sat, shoved into the downstairs hall closet, like a ticking time bomb; its explosive contents just waiting to be detonated...today.

"Yeah! all around in my home town,
They're tryin to track me down;"

Yes, this morning I hastily re-opened the backpack and read a most unfavorable report from his teacher. It was his informal 9 week evaluation. It seems he does not stay on task and is on occasion "disruptive". Translation: He apparently talks the other kids to death while they are trying to do their work. I hesitated, but showed the report to his Dad, who, in turn, immediately became livid. I will be leaving out a lot in this posting (on purpose). Looking at me, his Dad went on a rant while at the same time, declaring again that "there is a new Sheriff in town", and that this type of behaviour will no longer be tolerated from "The Boy". I give my husband a "one arched eyebrow"™ look; the same wordless, signature look invented by, and usually executed to perfection, by my sister. He thinks about what he said for a second or two and then adds, (while now looking at "The Boy") "Your mother is the Deputy". I immediately tell my husband that he has given me my blog song for the day. (You can't make this stuff up) He responds with a half-chuckle.

"Oh, now, now. oh!
(I shot the sheriff.) - the sheriff.
(but I swear it was in self-defense.)"

The jig is up. "The Boy's" 'cute' and 'sweet' coupons have all been used up. Fourth grade is serious stuff. Time to send Big Bird back to his cage, Barney back to his cave, and time for Puff the Magic Dragon to 'cease his fearless roar'. There are no more 'get out of jail free' cards left. I am the mediator between "The Boy" and his father. Before leaving, I temper the harshness with an explanation to "The Boy", of how his Dad loves him very much, but just wants him to keep his focus. I say this in front of my husband. (Leaving out a LOT here.) Word on the street is: Soon Condoleeza's job will be up for grabs. In the meantime, I sit here becoming well versed in conflict resolution, as well as in domestic and foreign affairs, while all my good talent is just going to waste. But again, I digress...

When all was said and done, "The Boy" and I left for school by way of the garage door. My husband does not like for us to eat or drink in the car, and I had a big old, hot mug of coffee gripped tightly in my right my hand. He follows us to the car, holds out his hand, and asks if he could take the cup from me. I say, "No". The cup goes with me. I say nothing else. (Silently, I am saying to myself: I am the Deputy, remember, with all the rights and privileges that go with the office, and I choose to hencewith, hithertofore, and 'other made-up legal words', bring it with me).

"(and they say it is a capital offense.)
Yeah! (ooh, ooh, oo-oh) yeah!"

The ride to school with "The Boy" was surprisingly pleasant. He is not mad at his Dad, but mad at his teacher for playing the "tattletale" in keeping us informed. I tell him that if he walks the "straight and narrow", there will be no more mornings like this one. He appears to take it well. However, when we arrive at school and the teachers assigned to greet the children as they arrive, say hello to him, he does not respond, but briskly walks past them at breakneck speed, angrily towing his backpack on wheels behind him. I smile at the teachers, roll my eyes and then say, "Good morning to you, from me and "The Boy". They smile back. They understand. They have witnessed worse things than this.

"Reflexes had got the better of me
And what is to be must be"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...my husband and I will continue to update his resume. Hopefully, by this afternoon, we will have a printable copy. I then have a brief talk with my husband about what happened this morning. I told him, that while I agreed with the sentiment with which he disciplined "The Boy", I disagreed with the timing and the harshness with which it was administered. He did not apologize; he meant what he said, but thanked me for softening the words and for putting him back into a good light with "The Boy". He tells me, "That's what mothers are for." Hope he remembers this in the future. So noted and duly blogged.

Later, this morning, one of the candidates up for election will be arriving in town. I have to keep this in mind, as traffic will be adversely affected during their visit. We live perilously close to where the events will occur, and so I will have remind my husband, that when he goes out to pick up "The Boy" from school this afternoon, to make sure he doesn't accidentally wander into the chaos.

"(I shot the sheriff,)
But I say (but I didn't shoot no deputy)"

And so, this was my morning. How was yours?

Song of the day: In A Big Country - Big Country

"In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive"

This morning my son and husband attended services alone. They got up and got dressed and fed on their own. I spoke to them, but never saw them. I had the covers over my head, with a small area opened up around my nose so that I could breathe. Even if my life depended on it, I could not tell you what they wore. After they left, I got up and went downstairs. My husband had left a pot of coffee on for me and had been kind enough to bring the Sunday morning newspapers up from the driveway and leave it on the front stoop for me to pick up. Still dressed in my nightgown, I pick up the paper, go back into the house, pour myself a mug of coffee and then spontaneously break out into song. I feel better after singing.

I meditated and relaxed for a few hours...and then the phone rang. It was my husband. Service was over. He called from his cellphone and said to get ready to go out. It's beautiful outside and we are going to the theme park. I showered. We ate, and then it was back out into the sunshine to enjoy the beautiful day.

"I'm not expecting to grow flowers in a desert
But I can live and breathe
And see the sun in wintertime"

The drive was lovely, (see picture above) and we had a nice time at the theme park. However, we made sure to leave before 6:30pm. It is nearing Halloween, and this is the time when ghosts, ghouls and other creepy creatures are the main attractions for this particular theme park after dark (see picture).

I do not like this type of entertainment, as I do not like things jumping out at me and also have a personal and private respect for the unseen and the unknown. Last year, at this same theme park, as a crowd stood by awaiting my reaction as I walked down a ghoulish character booby-trapped sidewalk, I turned around and told a "tree", just before he was about to jump out at me, that I remembered him from last year and immediately banished him from my sight. The surprise was on him. He didn't even get a chance to startle me. Everybody laughed, but we still got out of there in a hurry.

"So take that look out of here it doesn't fit you
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded"

"The Boy" loves this type of thing and wanted to know why we were leaving so early. We had to bribe him with promises of pizza and other goodies. If this didn't work, our "ace in the hole" was that, in any case, he has school tomorrow. To his credit, he took the bribe. So, on the way home we stopped by Wal-Mart and got him everything his little heart desired. Before we got to Wal-Mart, we heard a loud *BANG*! My husband asked what it was. I had guessed that it was some kind of car crash. No sooner had the words left my lips when we looked around to the far left and saw a car explode into flames in a nearby parking lot. "The Boy" said, "Wow!" and then I immediately called 911. There was a lot of traffic, and so we couldn't cross the median to turn back. We plan to check to see what really happened on the news tonight. We ended up getting home just a little before 8:30pm. Hopefully, no one was hurt.

Today is also the day that my brother and his wife are to return from their cruise. They left last Saturday. It is the second cruise of the year, that they have taken. Last time, they went alone. This time, they went with his wife's family. I hope that they had a nice trip, and I am looking forward to hearing from them soon.

"Pull up your head off the floor—come up screaming
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted"

Well, Sunday is now over, and there will be plenty to do tomorrow. For now, I think I'll just call it a night. It was a nice day.

"In a big country dreams stay with you
Like a lover's voice fires the mountainside..."

"Stay Alive..."

Song of the day: I Haven't Got Time For The Pain - Carly Simon

"All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep
Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore" - Carly Simon

Friday evening I drive home from work;... in the dark, radio off. It is past 10:30pm. Halfway through my ride, I pass a church. Next to the church, and on the right side of the road, there is a neon sign. Coming around a slight bend, the sign almost seems to want to jump out at me. The church had always been there. I suspect that the sign too, had always been there, but then again, I never have had to pass through this dark stretch of road before, alone and at night (literally or figuratively)...until now.

"You showed me how, how to leave myself behind
How to turn down the noise in my mind"

And now back to the sign: In big, bright, bold, red letters there were the simple words: Have Hope. No, I am not foolish enough to believe that that sign had been put there especially for me. But yes, I do believe that sometimes, for whatever reasons, one's eyes are opened to really seeing things, and one's body to feeling sensations never noticed before. A heightened sensitivity. I am not speeding, but instinctively look at my odometer. The sign is posted almost exactly halfway... the halfway mark on my way home.

"cause I haven't got time for the pain"
I haven't got room for the pain

Upon seeing that sign, I feel like a marathon runner who knows that, although she doesn't see it yet, the finish line is somewhere up ahead. There is no room for maybe. It is there. I breathe a knowing sigh of relief. I will come back again, maybe later on in the week, during a safer part of the day (perhaps with my husband) and take a picture of this sign to add to this page. I've got to. There have even been times when I have considered discontinuing this blog, but my husband reads this and says that I can't stop. He says that he really sees me in my writing. It is difficult to fool those who know you well.

I am also reminded that, because these words are true, he lives them along with me and that this is almost as much his story and "The Boy's" as it is mine. I am merely the scribe. And so I go on.

I am almost home. My family is waiting for me at the finish line. They have left the light on for me.

"I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you..."

Song of the day: God Give Me Strength - Elvis Costello

"And I don't have anything to share
that I won't throw away into the air" - Elvis Costello

Thursday night, "The Boy" slept at the foot of our bed and then got up early. I slept in until 8:30am. Later, I sat with my husband to try and get his résumé together. He couldn't think, and so he decided to go for a walk to the lake and back. He will need to put most of the last fifteen years behind him before moving forward. This is a personal process and one that, in all honesty, has to be done alone.

"That song is sung out
This bell is rung out"

Yes, family support is important, but clearing one's head is something that can only be accomplished in absolute solitude. I should know...after two years, I still haven't completely done it. Leaving yesterday behind, without burning any bridges is the only prudent way to do it.

This morning, "The Boy" is home for the second day of his two-day school holiday. He calls it his "day off". I laugh. Day off from what? I fix him a breakfast of sausage, toast and milk. Later, we all sat around the dining room table and did a bit of reading.

"So God give me strength
God give me strength"

My husband left shortly thereafter to go for a walk around the lake. He is still decompressing and, so far is doing well.

"I can't hold on to him
God give me strength"

We haven't completed his résumé yet. We have all of the information, but we are still trying to find the best way to put it together. We need to do it soon, while the momentum is still there.

"When the phone doesn't ring
and I'm lost in imagining"

Yesterday, while at work, the young lady sitting next to me in training class asked me if I were all right...Apparently, I looked a little deeper in thought than is permissible in a such a "no thought to low thought" environment. This was a sweet gesture, and it deserved more than just a passing polite acknowledgement. What I do next externally, belies what I feel on the inside. I lightly touch her on the arm, smile at her and then say, "Yes, thank you very much for asking". On the inside, there was my own personal truth and a conflict of feelings: I was saying to myself, "Here I am making darn near close to minimum wage, but I'm grateful to have a job that will provide the insurance coverage we need. The sun has set and I am away from my family, but I'm doing what I should be doing...a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do".

"everything that kind of love is worth
as I tumble back down to the earth"

Along with my obvious lesson in humility, I am also being taught gratitude and patience. Sure hope I "get it" this time around. They let us off early from work Thursday night, and I got home long before Cinderella's curfew. (One thing to be grateful for). I have been warned that this will not always be the case in the future. When I got home, I saw the welcoming light of the lamp post, that my husband and son had left on for me. They had both tried to wait up for me, but had fallen asleep. I kiss them both on the forehead and get ready for bed.

"That song is sung out
This bell is rung out"

The biggest thing that I have gotten out of this? I am realizing just how much I love them, and just how willing I am to fight for them even more.

Am I OK now you ask? "Hell no!"...but one day; one day soon... I will be...

"So God give me strength
God give me strength"

PSS...Immediately after posting the above, and as I was just settling into my funky mood, my sister emailed me the following joke. At first I asked myself if it were appropriate to post...and then I remembered: This is my blog and I can post whatever I want. So, here it is:

A lady had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience seeing God, she asked,' is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.' Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?' God replied, 'Giiirrrlllllllll, I didn't even recognize you.'

I feel renewed...God gave me strength! God gave me strength. - Nards

I am still laughing!




www.nardeeisms.blogspot.com Note: playing around with STUMBLE. Stumbled my own post in error. Sorry

Song of the day: Three Little Birds - Bob Marley

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright" - Bob Marley.

I woke up nauseous and tired. Hell is being redefined. If ever I had any pre-conceived notions of pitchforks and red spiked horns before...Poof! They're gone now! New observation: This is what I now know of the 'new and improved' Hell... It is portable, available in a variety of flavors, customizable and can be either an air-conditioned place or a state of mind. Soon coming to a town near you. Have you gotten yours yet? Tee hee!!

"Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,"

I stumbled downstairs and fixed "The Boy" a grilled cheese sandwich and juice for breakfast. He still has tests going on at school this week, and so needed something substantial to eat. He supplemented it with a container of black cherry yogurt, as I drank coffee in an effort to try and resurrect myself from the dead. I soon found out that are still some things that only God can do. I still remained in my zombie-like state. In the meantime, my husband toasted slice after slice of bread for himself, while rationalizing aloud that the slices were thin...yeah, right.

My husband is with us in the morning now, which makes things,... let's say...interesting. "The Boy" got mad because his Dad made him wear his new sneakers. He is not comfortable with them. His Dad tells him that there is a "new Sheriff in town". I am too tired to investigate the reason.

"Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep"

Time to go to school: Immediately as I get into the car, "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor, starts playing on the radio. I laughed (but not the funny kind of laugh this time). "The Boy" asked whether or not it was Diana Ross singing. I said no, but then remembered that our favorite version of this song is by Diana Ross. It made me smile when I recalled the hilarious rendition she did on the David Letterman show some time ago. The ending gets me every time. Thank you, son. I needed the cheer.

"Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Saying', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")"

I came home and told my husband that I needed to take the laptop down to the sunroom to work. I had heard that a person needs at least 20 minutes of sunlight for the daily recommended dose of vitamin D. I say: Forget Vitamin D! I need it so I won't get depressed at the thought of going into work at 5:30pm in the evening. However, I will not detail any job duties here. If ever there were a reason for me to have an "unplugged" version of my blog, this would be it.

Mom called me this morning to ask me how things went last night at work and asked how many people were there. (The usual Mom-type questions) I told her that even if my life depended on it, I couldn't tell her. I basically sat down in a seat and looked down at an information packet on my lap. She wanted a play by play. There will be none. For nobody. Ever.

"Singing': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright."

Tuesday, I got turned around in the office park on the way to work. Blame it on fatigue. I ended up parking in another lot and having to get my bearings together again. No, we do not have GPS! I eventually called my new boss and then my husband. It was then that I sent up a prayer to God and let "whatever will be, will be" take over. After that, I just stuck the key into the ignition, started driving and got there within moments. Not sure how. But then again...

Now I am back home from work. I am making it through day by day... "It's Alright" (this is a new phrase that I have adopted. Stolen from "M") Thank you.

"Singing': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright!""




www.nardeeisms.blogspot.com

Song of the day: One Headlight - The Wallflowers (Jakob Dylan)

"Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever" - The Wallflowers

I took the boy to school this morning after giving him a breakfast of a boiled egg, a glass of milk and black cherry yogurt. He has tests this week and his brain needs to be optimized. I also have my first day of work this afternoon. (My brain could use a bit of optimization as well)

I unpacked clothes from this past weekend, and then my husband and I sat down in the office and listened to a Wayne Dyer presentation, "The Power of Intention". We had just sort of "stumbled" on to it. We both recalled having seen it before, but this time it had more meaning. We were both glad that we really listened this go 'round. It was really what I needed at the time, to bolster me up for this evening's challenge.

"There's got to be something better than
In the middle..."

Afterwards, I went into semi-panic mode, once I realized that my afternoons are about to be "sucked up"...and so did a load of dark clothes, and then cleaned the kitchen floor. Frightened that my house may never be clean again, I also vacuumed the family room and living room.

Before I knew it, it was time to pick up "The Boy" from school. My husband took on the task this time as I marinated chicken wings and pork chops for a future date. I need to pace myself. I need to pace myself....

"But me & Cinderella,
We put it all together"

Time soon came for me to get ready to go to work. I changed outfits twice. My husband said that the first outfit made me look dull. The second one was conservative too, but he said it was better. How can anyone lose with the colors of black and cream? Black jacket, black skirt, cream colored blouse. My heart and mind are clearly somewhere else.

Immediately, as I left out of the door, all electricity in the neighborhood went out. You know how it is when they lower the flags whenever someone of great importance dies? Well, perhaps, this was in honor of my going to work. (I must be so important in fact, that the lights did not come back on again until I came back home later on in the evening)

Later...
First day of work (mercifully) over. Before I leave, I call my husband from the parking lot. He tells me that the lights are still out and that there is a small flashlight located in the front pocket of the passenger side door. I find it, thank him, and then put it in my purse. I am both hungry and tired. (and I don't drive well in the dark.) On the drive home, I had to contend with the high beam brightness of two cars with one headlight each, following me at close range. Not at the same time, mind you...But when the first one turned off onto another street, then the other took its place. (Try navigating down dark curved streets with tired eyes.)

"We can drive it home
With one headlight.."

When I got home the lights were still out. I could see the faint illuminating glow of our Coleman gas lamp as I drove up. I grabbed the small flashlight that we keep in the car and make my way to the door. It was after 11:00pm. My husband was waiting for me and "The Boy" was sound asleep on the family room loveseat. I grabbed a sandwich as my husband asked about my day. (Oops! my evening)
He and "The Boy" had gone out earlier. He said that "The Boy" had gotten a little teary-eyed when night fell and I wasn't home yet. This is life and this is where we are now.

"The Boy" is too heavy to carry upstairs and so we gently awaken him and lead him upstairs to his bed. We go to bed shortly thereafter. I am exhausted. The lights soon come on, and my husband makes his way back downstairs to make sure that all is well. It is. It will be. Goodnight.

"With one headlight.."


BTW...This is one my all time favorite songs EVER




www.nardeeisms.blogspot.com

Song of the day: Fantastic Voyage - Lakeside

"Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage" - Lakeside

On Saturday, we, along with my sister, went to Washington DC to visit the National Zoo. It was an overnighter, so we checked into the hotel and unloaded our luggage before going forward with our adventure.

"Come along, pack your bags
Get on up and jam y'all
Come on and ride on the funk, y'all"

Just so happens, we stayed at the same hotel we stayed in last visit... I even asked if we could have the same room. My sister thought I was "nuts" to ask, but I said, since we aren't staying but for one night, why make ourselves have to get used to another room? Let's just take away the "surprise" factor. "The Boy" did not know this, but, perhaps remembering the last visit, and being excited.... after check-in, he instinctively rounded the corner, went directly to the elevator, pressed the button; then straight to the room and tried the keycard. How presumptuous!....but, correct he was. It worked. Why shouldn't it have?

"Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage"

And then it was on to the zoo...On the way, we passed the Fannie Mae building on Wisconsin ave. I never really noticed it before, until my sister casually pointed it out to us. This time the structure stood out to me. It seemed ironic how an organization that is obviously crumbling apart on the inside, could appear on the outside to be so solid, so imposing. After all, the building is made of brick. (Wonder how ole Freddie Mac is doing?)

"What you should do is take a lesson, too
So you can understand..."

As we wound our way through Wisconsin avenue, we somehow got caught up on a couple of side streets...even had the Washington monument in our line of vision at one time, but eventually we made it to the zoo. It is a nice place and it wasn't too crowded. And so, we parked in the "B" parking lot and stayed for about 2 hours. The actual zoo was free, (It is part of the Smithsonian Museum system) but the parking cost us fifteen dollars. However, it was a nice visit. A very nice visit indeed.

"So come along, come on take a ride
There's a party over there, that ain't no lie"

As usual, people somehow felt compelled to talk to us. While our demeanors are "low key", apparently our auras are not. We got unsolicited directions; commentary on a lot of the exhibits and a lady even told us why the giraffes weren't on display...and we didn't even ask her. Like I said, strangers always talk to us. If only we were able to parlay this "charisma" we have into cash...hmmm. After the zoo visit, we stopped by the grocery store and picked up a few unnecessary items. We got a frozen pizza for "The Boy", a frozen dinner for his Dad, and I got sushi and cheesecake. The hotel room had a full kitchen and two bedrooms, so we were prepared to cook anything we wanted.

When we came back, we were pooped, and so we "chilled out" for the rest of the evening with television and idle chit-chat. It was nice to be away from telephones and housework...This time we even decided to use the gas fireplace! It's weird, my sister and I both have gas fireplaces at home, but seldom, if ever use them.

As if to make up for the wonderfulness of it all, next morning's breakfast was crappy. Some kind of synthetic egg with crumbled up sausage. My husband did the "coffee run" for my sister and I, and brought up waffles and cereal for himself and "The Boy", as well as a helping of the egg/sausage disaster for us.

Afterwards, we attended Sunday service with a friend. Then, after a late check out, we headed back home. My sister is adventurous and so decided to take the HOV lane during part of the trip. It felt weird being sandwiched in the middle; with traffic on either side going both ways. She also wanted to stop by to see some new Bass_Fishing_whatever place that had just opened up, on the way home. The only word that I will use to describe it is...interesting. I'll not be making a special trip to visit it again any time soon.

"We're leavin' here in a cloud of smoke
And th-th-that-th-th-that-th-th-that's all folks"

We got home this afternoon, unpacked some of the clothes, and then I helped my husband haul the new washing machine from the garage; to the upstairs laundry room. (Sixteen steps up and around a corner). Afterwards, I put in a load of dark clothes. It met with my approval. I have decided that it works perfectly.

Later on, after going to bed, I drift in and out of sleep during a television episode of "House". It is about a cranky, but brilliant doctor with personal issues, who occasionally exposes the "human" side of him. I don't want to like it, but I really do like this show. This particular episode featured a brain disease, pigeon poop and other stuff that set the stage for my evening's nightmares.

Still a great show, a great day and a great weekend. Nighty night!

"Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage"




www.nardeeisms.blogspot.com

Song of the day: Pick Up The Pieces - Average White Band

"Pick up the pieces, uh, huh
Pick up the pieces, alright" - Average White Band

This morning, I was so confused (as is often my state nowadays). My husband noted my exasperation and took "The Boy" to school as I continued to spin around in circles trying to decide what to do and making absolutely no progress. Eventually, I got my head together and formulated a plan for the day.

As our old washing machine lay in pieces on the garage floor, I went to my sister's house to do laundry. She was at work and so she very kindly loaned her washing machine to us for the day. I ended up having a few issues with her dryer because lint kept clogging up the outside vent, (My husband dropped by and discovered the problem) and so I ended up bagging a few semi-wet loads and bringing them back home to dry.

"Pick up the pieces, uh, huh
Pick up the pieces, whoo!"

While at her house, I had a chance to work on a few online projects that I needed to submit. I had brought my laptop along, but ended up having to use her desktop because of wireless issues. She came home before I left and we had a snack together of Kentucky Fried Chicken, while we sat down and talked. She is a wonderful woman and she is great to talk to.

I eventually went home.

When I got home, "The Boy" complained about school and told me how his teacher threw his snack across the table because he wouldn't leave it during the fire drill. I told him that she was correct. He has no sense of urgency...for anything. He appeared to be a little perturbed with me because I took her side. Too bad. Needless to say, that conversation ended quickly.

Oh, my husband took the old washing machine to the dump and bought a new washer. For the time being, we have been saved.

"Pick up the pieces..."

Song of the day: Dream A Little Dream - Louis Armstrong

"Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you" - Louis Armstrong

My husband and I both had dreams last night that were similar. His was about a house near water on stilts with lots of doors. Someone was taking the doors off and he wanted them back. He said he woke up before "they" brought the doors back. Mine was about a house near water; water that I knew was there but couldn't see. A cracked plate (in three places) and the number 8...

"Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me"

Later after getting up and taking "The Boy" to school...and after we got out of the car, some woman's dog jumped out of her car and just started running..., causing confusion all around. She kept patting the top of her head as she called the dog's name, but she didn't really seem to care as the dog darted in and out of the street, with school buses and parents dropping off their kids. I suppose that someone rounded the dog up eventually, but I left before knowing what happened. There usually is a policeman posted by the school during the mornings. Where in the world was he today? She, if anyone, certainly deserved a citation for having a dog run on the loose. He was cute. Hope he still is.

Today was the day of the funeral of a young lady we know whose Mom died almost exactly 6 months ago to the day. This is very sad and really made me think: You know, life goes by so quickly.

There was also a mid-day luncheon at Mom's house. My sister was there helping out when I got there, but left shortly thereafter. She had to go to work. I stayed to help with serving and to help clean up afterwards. Mom's menu was great. She had grilled salmon, with a homemade dill wine sauce, vegetables, a fruit bowl with fruit balls of cantaloupe, watermelon, grapes and honeydew melon, a hearty vegetable soup, fresh green beans from her garden, and lemonade to drink...Oh, and let's not forget her homemade rolls. There was coconut cake and pound cake for desert. A few of her guests had to leave early to attend the funeral, but it was a very nice luncheon indeed. I even got to bring salmon and other stuff home for the guys to have for dinner. (which they enjoyed)

While I was away, in an effort to fix the washing machine, my husband took "Humpty Dumpty" apart and couldn't put it back together again. He got upset and frustrated. Perhaps, if I had been home and not at Mom's helping her, he may not have done it. Woulda, coulda, shoulda... He kept blaming himself. I tell him that it's all water under the bridge now and that no one in their right mind would intentionally have caused additional expense. I also keep in mind that this is his first full day of being unemployed. (What a way to celebrate) We must move on from this point.

"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you"

"The Boy's" teacher emails me and gives me a "heads up" regarding his homework. He is surprised when I tell him that I already know what he has to do. On the way back home from school, I stop by the library to print off forms to send to my new employer. On the way he tells me how he and his lunch table buddies got "red cups" (not a good thing) today, and that they will have to go to the "silent table" for four days. He is mad because he said he is being punished for what the others did. I smile. He'd better get used to it.

We laugh and talk... and then right out of the blue, "The Boy" asks me what is my worst fear. I told him what it was; and it just happened to be a situation. It was then that he said to me, "No, Mom, that's not what I mean. It has to be a person". This time I didn't answer him. And, although, I never told him, I already knew who it was...

"But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me..."

The person is me.

Song of the day: Starting All Over Again - Mel and Tim

"Starting all over again is gonna be rough, so rough
But we're gonna make it..." - Mel and Tim

It is over. My husband's last day at work. It ended unceremoniously. The 'poop' had hit the fan long ago. Today, they plugged the fan in and turned it on.

His employee access card was disabled before he even was officially severed. And so, there went the last of any remaining "warm snuggly" feeling. The times...they are a changin'

"Starting all over again is gonna be slow
But we both know that we can make it"

In the meantime, I got the job that I applied for, and start on Monday, October 6.

"Starting all over again is gonna be hard
But I pray that the love will help us make it"

While it is true that I am grateful, there are no words for me to say, nor any song for me to sing today.

I guess this is the stanza of life's song where the instrumentals speak louder than the words...