Song of the day: If You're Gone - Matchbox 20

"There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move" - Matchbox 20

This morning we got up and went to Sunday service. We were late... and so the three of us made spectacles of ourselves as we paraded single file into the room, in bridal procession formation. I have on all black with a lipstick red top; no hose, along with a pair of "wickedly" high heeled shoes and my hair is slicked back into a pitiful little bun. In the meantime, I have to calculate each step so that I won't be performing alternate deep knee bends... while appearing to have all the grace of a bucking horse.

"I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong... it's a problem... I'm dealing"

We took our seats, where I crossed my legs at the knee, (I can do this easily now) perched and balanced my opened bible there at the summit (as a prop) and then got into my transfixed "zone". While smiling politely, and shifting my weight from side to side, I found myself either not agreeing with, or trying to "force fit" most of everything that was being said. Since I have on no hose, I look down at my feet, and soon realize that my heels are starting to look "ashy", so I discreetly reach into my purse, retrieve a small bottle of lotion, and while pretending to scratch my foot, alternately apply (and rub in) a little bit to each one of my heels. This should "hold" me for at least an hour or two.

Cognizant also of the fact that the filter that runs from my brain to my lips has been malfunctioning lately, I wisely opt to remain quiet and reserve any comments for the long-suffering ears of my husband. To add to my discomfort: During that same time I was also stricken with two hot flashes, (intercepted bolts of lightning perhaps?) and so began fanning feverishly with a sheet of paper, until each one of them passed...Not long after, I got cold chills. However, I was with my family, and they wanted me there with them, so I guess it was all worth it. And so, time went by rather quickly.

"I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong"

Afterwards, I stayed back a while to speak to three ladies that I had known for a long time. We are about the same age, (given a year or two difference). We huddled, and then had a group hug as we spoke about our lives, and shared stories as to how things have changed for each of us. Being an empath, (I didn't ask to be one, I just am one) I felt an involuntary, immediate, (but brief) sense of reservation...but overall, the vibe turned out to be good, and so I cautiously "went with the flow". This was the first time since I arrived this morning that I felt even the slightest twinge of a spiritual feeling stir within me. So, I guess you could say, God came in late too.

"I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure"

We came home, wound down a bit, and then my husband made a delicious pot of curried chicken for dinner... School starts again in September and so we checked "The Boy's" school supplies to make sure that he had everything he needed. He did not, and so my husband went to Wal-Mart to return a few things and pick up some other things that we had forgotten. "The Boy" is carefree and could care less about school. We had an unenthusiastic "dry run" fashion show, with him as the only (as well as unwilling) participant, demonstrating the maneuvers of his new back pack on wheels. He is a happy child, but there is no pre-school excitement in our home. All he wants to know is if there are still any Cheetoes left in the pantry.

The rest of the evening has been quite uneventful as my husband and I try to plot out each of our individual courses for next week...and ultimately for our lifetimes. I treated myself to a mini-meltdown, lasting only for a few minutes, but he helped me to "snap out of it". At this juncture, I'm not sure how much I'll be willing to post to this, my general blog... but I'll have plenty to post in my "unplugged" version. There is where my angst will be most evident. My husband and I both agree that everything is going to be O.K. This man...I love his attitude. I love him.

"There's a little bit of something me
In everything in you..."

I close my eyes. We are now walking by faith...